Posts Tagged ‘Trailer’

Boasting “the writer of Training Day and The Fast and the Furious,” the trailer for End of Watch is here, and it has all the rookie cop drama and car chases that being from the writer of Training Day and The Fast and the Furious implies. Shot as sort of a found-footage thing–pieced together from the nauseatingly shaky recordings of the police, criminals, and citizens most-enamored with photographing Jake Gyllenhaal’s shorn head–the film features Gyllenhaal and Michael Peña patrolling the streets of South Central L.A. as a couple good cops. Perhaps TOO GOOD: After a high-profile bust against a big drug cartel, the officers themselves become targets, and as this trailer reveals, that eventually leads to a big set piece that traps them in an apartment complex, where they are “shooting their way outta here, bro; on three, dude.” Could this be their END OF WATCH??? And is that Pitbull dancing at 1:42? Sign my Men in Black III soundtrack, PB!

Sandra Bullock stars in this inspiring true story about a homeless African American boy, Michael Oher, who is taken in by the wealthy Touhly family and given the opportunity to reach his full potential as a football player. Courtesy of Warner Bros

Here’s the trailer for This Is 40, the upcoming comedy that returns writer-director Judd Apatow to the characters of Knocked Up and the desperate mid-life crisis of The 40 Year-Old Virgin. In this case, though, the arrival of a fortieth birthday is not disconcerting because of a lack of vaginal contact. Rather, Leslie Mann’s impending fortieth birthday is just making her feel old and unsatisfied, so she takes action by making a self-improvement list for her and husband Paul Rudd that includes sensible items like daily exercise, more involvement in school, and having more patience with their children. Because this is still a movie by Judd Apatow, those items somehow lead to boners from Jason Segel, nipple-touching waged against Melissa McCarthy, and a graphic self-exam of either the taint or b-hole. Of course now I’m going to have to buy a ticket to find out which.

The first teaser trailer for Hotel Transylvania did a good job assuring everyone that Adam Sandler and friends would pal around vocally just as readily as they pal around in person for any number of Grown Ups films. But, as lovers of scatological humor surely noticed, it did not contain any of the jokes about shit one demands given the combined shit-joke likelihood of an Adam Sandler film and a CGI comedy. Where are the jokes reminding us how funny poop is??? Oh, here’s one:

Fecal God as my witness, someone will wipe their ass with Mummy’s wrappings. And that will be laughed at, because, haha, poop!

This latest trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation wastes little time in explaining why Joe star Channing Tatum was so absent from the last trailer for the film. As the preview–and presumably the actual film–opens, the entire G.I. Joe action figure line is attacked by the U.S.’s own forces, taking out the majority of the team, Tatum included. More likely it will turn out Tatum is alive in the hospital or something, leaving the team in the hands of a new leader for but one movie, because that formula worked well enough for Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. But as far as why The Rock is now seemingly leader of a Wayans-free Joe team, that’s why.

As for why the Joes were attacked, it’s because Cobra has wrested control of the White House, and not even in the polite way lobbyists do it. Thanks to the shape-shifting powers of Arnold Vosloo, Cobra has literally taken over the presidency, placing themselves in power and turning the surviving G.I. Joe figures into criminals. Finding it tough to hide out when half their team is composed of an enormous, shorn man and the personification of a black dildo, the Joes turn to the only man they can trust: G.I. Joe himself, Bruce Willis, who seems to have contributed a few wisecracks on the condition that he be allowed to shoot them all in sequence in front of a green screen. Willis grants the Joes use of that super awesome tank vehicle your parents refused to buy you because they already bought you the Turtle Blimp for your birthday, and, well, now The Rock has one less pithy quip he can use in Fast Six:

Now, I’m fuzzy on some of my G.I. Joe canon, but did Firefly always take his name to such a literal extreme, or is this something new since the advent of Michael Bay’s invention of little CGI robot bugs?

Also, if it turns out Tatum just got his head clonked and now he’s working for Cobra because of brain damage, eff off, because that’s just The Vow again but with the roles switched and with larger political implications.

Ever wonder what Law & Order: SVU would be like less hokey, in French, and without either court scenes or the pedophile-judging scowl of Ice-T? Well, here’s that, sort of. It’s Polisse, the 2011 Cannes Jury Winner that follows the drama around the Paris police department’s child protection unit. The film is based on real cases, and it looks pretty heavy. And since it doesn’t have Law & Order‘s heavy reliance on guest appearances, you don’t even immediately know that of course John Stamos is the pervert.

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Here’s the first trailer for Steven Soderbergh’s Magic Mike, a fantastical film that stars Channing Tatum as a man capable of wielding the sorcery of taking his shirt off. Loosely based on Tatum’s own experiences in the days before becoming an adequate lead in mawkish romances, the movie follows a stripper who meets a girl and looks to build a career less sordid than professional pec exhibition. As we know all too well, for Tatum himself, that meant becoming something like an actor, but for Magic Mike, it’s a slightly less glamorous endgoal: he just wants to be paid to repurpose nitrous oxide tanks into bizarre coffee tables. Classic tale of a stripper with a heart of designer carpentry.

Olivia Munn and brief The Office co-star Cody Horn both appear as characters Magic presumably has sex with, while I Am Number Four‘s Alex Pettyfer plays the seemingly downplayed role of Magic’s young protégé. What with everyone dancing around shirtless and all, Matty McConaughey also appears to put on the famous smirking bravado he can only truly wear when he’s wearing almost nothing else.

In this first trailer for Looper, star Joseph Gordon-Levitt sets himself up as a trained, well-paid killer for major crime organizations, but to call him an assassin would probably be overstating it. As the title puts forth, he’s a “looper,” a member of a secretive profession that’s more like being the guy at slaughterhouse who stands there with a mallet and waits for the next cow to come through the gate.

In the future described by Brick director Rian Johnson’s film, organized crime has wrested control of time travel; rather than using the technology to go back in time, place some surefire sports bets, dominate with their futuristic weaponry, and utterly fuck up the past, these responsible mobsters simply use the film’s conceit as a cleaner way of offing those who have wronged them. Strapped with gold, the mob’s target is transported to some predetermined location in the past where Gordon-Levitt (or one of his co-workers) is waiting, with a gun. Problem solved, thanks to future science. And guns.

This life of standing around with a gun, tossing a guy into an incinerator, then having drinks with Paul Dano works out well for Joseph Gordon-Levitt. UNTIL: One day, Gordon-Levitt– always knowing in his heart he’d devolve into a blunt, squinting, hairless man–recognizes a to-be-executed Bruce Willis as HIS FUTURE SELF. Willis, also recognizing the situation, and possibly recognizing, “Oh, shit, this is that time when I was 30 and I tried to kill older me,” uses Gordon-Levitt’s moment of hesitation to escape, leading to what appears to be an extended cat-and-mouse chase wherein the mouse is just the cat, balder and surprisingly burly. Here’s the trailer.

Emily Blunt and Jeff Daniels are also there, for respective kisses and sage advice, assumedly. Maybe Daniels can explain why a young Bruce Willis looks so much like an early CGI rendering of Kirk Cameron.

Subscribe ow.ly | Facebook ow.ly | Twitter ow.ly Release Date: 20 January 2012 Genre: Drama Cast: Thomas Horn, Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock Directors: Stephen Daldry Writer: Eric Roth, Jonathan Safran Foer Studio: Warner Bros. Plot: A nine-year-old amateur inventor, jewelry designer, astrophysicist, tambourine player and pacifist, searches New York for the lock that matches a mysterious key left by his father when he was killed in the September 11 attacks.
Video Rating: 4 / 5

In Oliver Stone’s Savages, John Carter‘s Taylor Kitsch and Kick-Ass star Aaron Johnson play a couple high-profile drug dealers just looking for a peaceful life of selling pot and having sex with Blake Lively–who, in the “hit it and pass it” spirit of the dealers’ product, bounces between the two guys with all the looseness and carefree freedom of their aloha shirts. Lively also plays narrator of this tale, and in this first trailer for the film, she is quick to inform us that she might actually be dead, recording voice-over from the grave, so keep that in mind. This could be a spooky story told by a wrathful phantom of Green Lantern!

And what is this possible-ghost’s story? Well, mostly that she gets kidnapped by Benicio del Toro. He’s a henchman to Salma Hayek, head of a drug cartel that tried to get in business with John Carter and Kick-Ass but was rebuffed, leading her to abduct their timeshare Gossip Girl. Needless to say, our drug-dealing heroes are very displeased they have lost their mutual girlfriend who may or may not be a spectral raconteur. So, they put on their favorite Día de los Muertos commemorative masks and GO SAVAGE. “Savage” being when you blow shit up and shoot some guys, I guess.

Wow, flashing a surprising admission of scalp there, aren’t you, Travolta? Are you goading Nicolas Cage for a Toup/Off or what?