Posts Tagged ‘RedBand’
‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’ Red-Band Trailer: Abe Now in Bloodier, More Gratuitously-3D Axe Battles
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter will probably not be a very good movie. It is, however, a very 3D movie, and the makers of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter want you to know that with this latest, CGI-bloodiest trailer, which features many gratuitous shots of whips, axes, guns, and hands flying at the screen in thrilling(?) three-dimensions (if you were to be wearing special glasses).
I can’t wait to see this again when someone finally puts together a “there’s a war coming” supercut.
‘The Watch’ Red-Band Trailer: Neighborhood Watch Goes Blue, and Asks You Not Associate It with Surrounding News Events
In accordance with Fox’s innovative new marketing strategy of distancing itself from accusations of racially-motivated homicide, the studio’s upcoming comedy Neighborhood Watch is now apparently titled simply The Watch. Similarly, this latest, red-band trailer for the film makes little mention of the fact Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and Richard Ayoade are in a neighborhood watch group at all, and it’s also careful to avoid the part where the group harasses a teenager and Hill mimes shooting a kid. Smart! What you’re left with is what’s said to be the real focus of the film’s story, anyway: that the four discover some of their neighbors may be aliens and then somehow save the world. And since it’s an unrated trailer, you’re also naturally left with big dick jokes, cum jokes, and jokes about mutual masturbation and anal rape via R. Lee Ermey. Because when it comes to skirting controversy, truly nothing distracts like the thought of aggressively violation via Ermey. Already you’ve forgotten about everything except the image of him on top of you, delivering a monologue from Full Metal Jacket.
And here we thought no one from the IT Crowd could possibly do a worse American accent than Chris O’Dowd. At least I think Ayoade’s accent was American… sometimes?
With Paramount dumping The Devil Inside into the filthy, gas station bathroom of January releases, it’s sadly unlikely that their latest cheap, pseudo-documentary-style possession film is going to be anyone’s new favorite cheap, pseudo-documentary-style possession film. Still, maybe you’re just a big fan of watching priests chant while a lady in a nightgown contorts, and if so, this latest, R-rated trailer for The Devil Inside should do you just fine. Plus, the film is INSPIRED BY TRUE EVENTS–like the true event of when a priest over-baptized a baby to death! Because the priest presumably had THE DEVIL INSIDE [him].
Lending some credibility to the ’80s television show remake movie genre–a genre that should neither be a genre nor associated with credibility–the R-rated trailer for 21 Jump Street has appeared on Facebook, and it looks like it could be alright in spite of its shared heritage with The A-Team (2010). Credit for that feat should likely be spread between directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller–who previously somehow adapted Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs into a pretty great film–and co-writers Jonah Hill and Michael Bacall, the latter of which also wrote the just-posted-about Project X. Bacall’s strange aptitude at writing high school party scenes in both X and 21 Jump Street should probably be investigated by Chris Hansen and crew, but in the meantime, let’s just watch Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill go undercover as unconvincing high schoolers in this trailer. Careful if you’re at work, because their mouths speak filth.
May this set the new bar for movies in which Channing Tatum dances with high schoolers.
In the cold war for gratuitous use of 3D, Piranha 3DD‘s three-dimensional fake breasts and real Hasselhoffs are starting to look pret-ty weak in comparison to A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas‘s offerings. Today, a new trailer for the latter has arrived in a red-band variety, revealing the film’s wealth of semen jokes, church pedophilia, claymation penises, actual boobs, RZAs, drugged-up toddlers, and NPH HJs–all presented in ridiculously prominent 3D. I’m sorry, Piranha 3DD, but you’re going to need more than a risque title and a gun-legged Ving Rhames to get more stupidly over-the-top than that. Maybe a piranha with a vagina mouth that leads to obvious consequences? Just throwing out ideas.
Anyway, this is not to be viewed with co-workers:
Remember that video of Rob Lowe acting super-tormented for 15 seconds as a preview for I Melt with You? Well, here’s the full trailer for the Mark Pellington-directed film, which stars Lowe, Thomas Jane, Jeremy Piven, and Christian McKay as old college friends who meet once a year to party like crazy and make Girls Go Wild. Unfortunately, this latest year doesn’t go so well, and everyone ends up making a lot of sad faces, at last providing a somber counterpoint to all the freewheelin’ good times had during Grown Ups. Without the ever-humorous presence of Rob Schneider, turns out reunions can get pret-ty dour:
So that pact, that’s just about forever looking and acting like huge douchebags, then?
The first trailer for The Thing had plenty of “gotcha!” scares and CGI overuse, but two things it was missing, outside of any sort of necessity? The freakish creature mutations of the original, and Wilford Brimley freaking the fuck out. With this red-band trailer, they start to make up for lack of one of those things. Sadly, it is not the lack of screaming, walrus-esque men known for their concern over blood sugar levels.
With Our Idiot Brother opening nationwide tomorrow, the Weinstein Company wants to make sure you know, this film is more than just Paul Rudd acting affably goofy in a pair of Crocs: it earns its R-rating, everyone! It is very edgy! So edgy that, according the studio’s PR department, ABC supposedly won’t even air the latest Our Idiot Brother TV spot unless the Weinsteins comply with the network’s request to PLEASE REMOVE THE VISUAL OF THE EXCHANGE OF WHAT IS ASSUMED TO BE DRUGS; PLEASE REMOVE THE VISUAL OF THE CHARACTER USING THE JUICE BOX TO DEPICT URINATION; [and] PLEASE REMOVE THE REFERENCES TO GETTING HIGH AND SMOKING. TWC’s response? Sorry, THE MAN, but it is not going to happen. Rather, the studio has defiantly released a new red-band trailer filled with just the kind of references to getting high and smoking, child swearing, and Steve Coogan nudity those stodgy old coots would hate, essentially using their juice box to depict urination right back onto ABC’s censors, metaphorically speaking. So much controversy coincidentally falling on the eve of a big film release! Anyway, if you want to buy into it, here’s that new trailer:
While the first Conan the Barbarian trailer was all CLANG!, ROAR!, KABLOOEY!, this one is like SPLAT!, GUITAR!, MY NAME’S CONAN! I guess that’s a little better.