Posts Tagged ‘Cage’

With Seth MacFarlane seemingly putting off his Flintstones reinvention plans as he instead reinvents himself as a host/actor, DreamWorks is taking on the task of primitive family entertainment with The Croods, an animated tale about a neanderthal group led by a rougher-to-look-at-than-usual Nicolas Cage. In this second trailer for the film, we for the first time meet a young caveman–voiced by Ryan Reynolds–that seems to be Cave-Emma Stone’s love interest, and Cave-Nic Cage fights a monkey, which I can’t believe has never happened in a Nicolas Cage movie before. No one realized the potential for his wrestling the Declaration of Independence from the paws of a mischievous baboon?

The Expendables 3, in this case!

On his Facebook page–which, incidentally, is headed by this weirdly-normal family portrait–Stallone has given an update on his variously haggard or tax-evasive dream cast of Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes, and Nicolas Cage. While Stallone is no longer mentioning Eastwood, he brings word that Cage is a lock under his usual “for hire; no questions asked” agreement. “We have confirmed Nicolas Cage, a master actor who gives a veneer intellectual group,” Stallone deadpanned, before adding to his garbled, seemingly-translated message, saying:

Hopefully we can realize to Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes and Mickey Rourke. That is the great mission of the producer. We will continue with the same narrative scheme, the agility and the frenzy, which are inherent to the saga. What will definitely be the last? I can not guarantee. In principle it would be two deliveries, but the affection of the people encouraged us to work on a third. I guess as long as we amused ourselves by offering fun and people, we can continue playing ‘The Expendables’. For now we are not as expendable as it should and as some critics want.

With his continued, thriving mainstream success against actors making much stronger choices, Nicolas Cage has already obliviously fought against the basic ideas of natural selection. But now producers are asking him to take his support of Christian extremism one step further: starring in a reboot of the Left Behind series.

As reported nearly a year ago, Left Behind writer-producer Paul Lalonde has always felt it was His will for his series to be brought to theaters, not forever discounted near supermarket check-outs. And though the idea of an improved second generation would seem to stray a bit too close evolution, Lalonde and Left Behind 3: World at War script consultant John Patus have been working on a reboot with a larger budget and a less overtly-religious, more disaster-themed take on The Rapture that might appeal to broader audiences. According to The Hollywood Reporter, they want to even further broader that broad appeal by getting Nicolas Cage to shout at God in the lead role once zealously filled by Kirk Cameron, and Cage is said to already be in talks to take it.

The issue, though, may come down to budget: while the reboot does have a vastly larger price tag than the original at $ 15 million, that’s still not all that much for an assumedly CGI-heavy disaster film, and Nicolas Cage, for whatever reason, does not come cheap. But then again, maybe it will work out. After all, when you need Him most, He always finds a way, and maybe Cage will take a pay cut if it means fucking Kirk Cameron over for horning in on the search for America’s National Treasure. Cage has got it covered–got that, Mike Seaver?

The Star Wars prequels’ Hayden Christensen and Bangkok Dangerous star Nicolas Cage are at last combining their respective talents at saving princesses and doing whatever stupid bullshit in eastern Asia.

According to The Wrap, Christensen–who wasn’t in a single film last year–and Cage–who headlined five films last year, because Cage don’t give a fuck–will co-star in stuntman Nick Powell’s directorial debut, Outcast. Scripted by James Dormer and budgeted at only $ 25 million, the film takes place in 10th century China, and takes the straightforward, video game approach of following a warrior as he attempts to redeem himself by saving a princess. It’s not clear whether it’s Cage or Christensen attached to play the warrior, but it is exceedingly clear that neither of them are Chinese–though that fact, for whatever reason, presumably won’t matter. As I said, Cage don’t give a fuck.

Combining the kidnapped daughter scenario of Taken, the Nicolas Cage-as-a-master-thief-forced-to-return-to-crime conceit of Gone in 60 Seconds, and the ridiculous voiceover of an action preview unearthed from a 25-year-old VHS tape, here’s the trailer for Nicolas Cage’s latest exceedingly-Cageian project, Stolen.

In typical Cage fashion, typical plays a recently-incarcerated robber whose estranged daughter is kidnapped and held in a moving taxi by Josh Lucas, a former crime partner who’s demanding his share of a botched job. Unfortunately, Cage literally burned through that money for some reason, and with the police unwilling to believe such a clichéd Nicolas Cage action premise, “TO SAVE HIS DAUGHTER, HE HAS JUST TWELVE HOURS TO STEAL TEN MILLION DOLLARS.” (Source: Distractingly-unprofessional trailer narrator.) As you can imagine, from there, the rest of the film pretty much just shouts itself.

The Simon West-directed film surprisingly hits actual theaters September 14th. A supercut of Cage shouting into cell phones, his elbow furiously jutting out perpendicular to his body, will hopefully spring up well before then.

The latest in the ever-growing “Kevin James succeeds with workaday job and unduly attractive mate” series, Here Comes the Boom stars James as a slovenly teacher looking for a way to save his school’s underfunded arts program. Noting that MMA fighters get paid money–and, hey, money is exactly what his school needs!–James embarks on a career as an amateur cage fighter, thus impressing fellow teacher Salma Hayek, bringing to fruition Henry Winkler’s Opus, and saving art while at once irreparably damaging it through physical comedy. HERE COMES THE BOOM, apparently! Or if that doesn’t work, then Here Comes the Campbell’s Soup Label Collection Drive.

Here Comes the Boom comes from director Frank Coraci, whose work The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, Click, and Zookeeper has established him as Left Hand of Happy Madison, there to hold the camera whenever Right Hand Dennis Dugan grows weary. It hits theaters October 12.

The real-life theft of Nicolas Cage’s rare copy of Action Comics No. 1–the 1938 comic that introduced the world to Superman–made headlines in 2000, and now that the comic has been recovered and sold at auction to aid in Cage’s debt recovery, that story will be turned into a movie. Showing rare restraint in that he is showing any standards whatsoever, Nicolas Cage is somehow not starring in this movie.

The script is called Action No. 1, and it appropriately comes from Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon, two of Hollywood’s few who are even more flagrant than Nic Cage about doing pretty much anything for money. The former members of The State wrote Herbie Fully Loaded, The Pacifier, and the Night at the Museum franchise, and then they wrote a book explicitly laying out how they sold-out to write broad, formulaic family films that have made them a ton of cash.

Lionsgate just picked up the film, which, by the Hollywood Reporter’s description, sounds like Fanboys by way of Nicolas Cage, telling of a group of nerds who attempt to rob the National Treasure star of his precious Superman comic, leaving Cage only the adjacent sad, discomforting photo to celebrate his Superfandom. Nicolas Cage is going to freak the fuck out about that!

But as I said, we probably won’t be seeing actual Nicolas Cage freak the fuck out in this film. Because of his exacting standards, it’s reportedly unlikely that Cage will play himself. Jason Statham’s name has also apparently been tossed around–it’s unclear if he’d play a more willingly-balding Cage or the most unlikely nerd in history–but reps have thus far denied his involvement. Come on, Statham. This could be your way out of the rut of always playing Jason Statham-with-a-pistol and into the adjoining, far-murkier rut of playing Nicolas Cage in the single known modern film that Nicolas Cage refuses to be a part of.

More incriminating evidence that the 100 Greatest Nicolas Cage Quotes is an incomplete masterpiece. The Master is still adding layer upon layer of Afro-Caribbean voodoo paint:

Please, Nicolas Cage, never stop saying things.

(via!!)

Coming to theaters for one night only–just long enough to get its due Oscar contention–Monumental follows Kirk Cameron and his wadded-up American flag sidekick as they travel the U.S. and, lo, the world, looking to see if our Founding Fathers “might have left us kind of a map” that will lead us away from disaster and toward what we can only hope is a ham-fisted religious message. Kirk Cameron is Michael Moore, Nicolas Cage, and Christ all rolled up in the sleeves of a single work shirt.

As the Growing Pains older brother sees it, “something is sick in the soul of our country,” and the same “history” that told him bananas disprove evolution now tells him that United States is headed toward utter collapse. Ut oh, Kirk! Thankfully, he has a solution. He’s going to visit some monuments and alternately grimace and pose for inspirational senior pictures, and we’ll see where American stands after that:

Yank on those cell bars harder, Kirk! George Washington’s secret map might be back there, and then we can find the gold to bail America out of debt!

Kirk, Class of 2012.

(via!)

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Perhaps hearing his own tortured cries echoing from the Hundred Acre Wood, perhaps responding to user philblakeman’s webchat question “is there any character you’d like to revisit?”, Nicolas Cage today spent a few moments reflecting back on 2006, thinking of that time his head was covered in bees during The Wicker Man remake. And you know what? Surprisingly, now that Nicolas Cage thinks about it, he actually wouldn’t mind putting the ol’ bear suit back on and punching a few more women in the face with a sequel to that movie. If the right Japanese director came around with the right idea for Nicolas Cage being a screaming ghost, that is.

Mused Cage:

I would like to hook up with one of the great Japanese filmmakers, like the master that made Ringu, and I would like to take The Wicker Man to Japan, except this time he’s a ghost.

Well, firstly, of course you would be a ghost, Nicolas Cage. Give us some credit here; we know what happens after Nicolas Cage’s spirit leaves his charred body. Secondly, nice spoiler, Nicolas Cage. Maybe not everyone knows that Nicolas Cage gets burned alive in a giant wicker sculpture, okay?

But back to the matter at hand, could Nicolas Cage be serious about being up for a spectral sequel to the critically-lambasted Wicker Man? My instinct says no, but my instinct also did not anticipate roles as a motorcyclist skeleton or John Travolta with Nicolas Cage’s face stitched on, so hey, maybe it could happen. I sure hope so. Maybe that will bring back our goddamn honey.