Posts Tagged ‘Birthday’
In honor of America’s proud tradition of making things go “BOOM” to celebrate our independence from a country that far surpasses us in health care, education, gun control, you name it, The Superficial will be off today because a paid holiday’s a paid holiday no matter whose bullshit birthday it is. (What’s up, Jesus?) So we’ll be back Monday, but if you hate your friends, family, or just human contact in general, you can check out our possibly more industrious link partners below and/or dick around with me on Facebook and Twitter where I’m sure I’ll be after my parents bring up Hobby Lobby, and I respond by shoving a live M-80 in my face. #USA
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Do you need to send someone a funny card? Do your friends love funny jokes? NobleWorks is your Humor Company! In business for over 30 years, NobleWorks is always publishing funny birthday cards, funny Christmas cards, naughty birthday greetings, naughty holiday cards, and funny cards for all occasions. NobleWorks is a print-on-demand company, printing only what you order. Noble Works is dedicated to reducing waste while keeping you laughing. With designs by Tim Whyatt, Tom Cheney, Leo Cullum, Daniel Collins, Stan Eales, Glen Hanson, Ephemera, Last Kiss, Dan Reynolds, Chris March, Glenn McCoy, Gary McCoy, Liza Donnelly, John Callahan, Weekly World News, and others, you’re sure to find a card for your loved one. Featured lines include Talk Bubbles, Planet Fabulous, Mortal Sins, Cartoons, Passive Aggressive, Rabbit Ears, Funny Paper, and Happy Thoughts. You’ll even find political jokes, funny poems, retro humor, vintage-style designs, and just about everything under the sun. Enjoy!
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She definitely knows how to have a smashing good time, and Rihanna partied up a storm for her 26th birthday on Thursday night (February 20).
The “Umbrella” babe gathered with a bunch of her friends in Aspen, Colorado for some fun-filled antics, and of course she showed off plenty of skin.
Rihanna posted a series of photos on Instagram featuring her flawless form wrapped in little more than a bra top and underwear.
And from the look of the pictures, it seems Ri-Ri indulged in a few shots, multiple birthday cakes and a some late-night games with her pals.
Meanwhile, HollywoodLife is reporting that Rihanna received a Happy Birthday phone call from Drake. An insider explained, “Drake gave her a shout-out. He hit her up, asked how she’s doing and how she feels on her 26th. She said, ‘I’m good, Pa, thank you and much love to you.’ He didn’t want to keep her too long because he knows she’s enjoying herself with friends.”
It was a big day for Victoria Justice on Wednesday (February 19) as she celebrated her 21st birthday with family and friends in West Hollywood.
The finally-legal “Victorious” hottie hung out with her boyfriend Pierson Fode and sister Madison at Hooray Henry’s Nightclub for some drinks and dancing.
And Victoria came dressed to impress in a sleeveless black blouse with skinny jeans and knee-high black boots as she smiled for the shutterbugs.
During the course of the evening, Ms. Justice took to her Twitter account to let her fans know she was having a blast- “I don’t know about you… But I’m feelin’ 21,” (an obvious Taylor Swift reference).
Happy birthday, Justin Timberlake: Celebrate with JT's funniest TV moments
Justin Timberlake's main claim to fame may be his music, but with the way the singer's been making us laugh over the years on TV, he's almost as well known for his comedy work as his singing. Almost. In honor of the superstar's 33rd birthday on Friday …
Read more on Zap2it.com (blog)
Justin Timberlake rumoured to be headlining V Festival 2014
A post on website efestivals.co.uk which successfully predicted Beyonce would be the star attraction to Hylands Park in 2013 has said the former N Sync singer will get top billing this time round. The festival which is split between the venue in …
Read more on Echo
Nas Shares His Feelings About Justin Bieber, Promises "Sinatra in the Sands …
While the chat was brief, we still got a chance to ask the Queens icon about Macklemore and Justin Bieber, as well as what in the world is going on with the Timbaland-produced track "Sinatra in the Sands" featuring Jay Z and Justin Timberlake …
Read more on Complex.com
Welcome to the final installment of The Superficial review of Good Tidings and Great Joy which, yes, I’m completely willing to accept may have played a part in Paul Walker‘s death. This shit got way out of hand, and God only knows who it’ll claim next if I don’t put an end to it soon. Unless I can somehow aim it… *tries to point post at Chris Brown* No, no, there’s been enough bloodsheed… *tries one more time*
6. SEEING DOUBLE … STANDARDS
If I haven’t mentioned it yet, Sarah Palin fucking loves Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. She mentions it at least once a chapter and almost always in the context of the Christmas spirit transforming Ebenezer Scrooge into a kind, generous employer. And yet this is the same woman whose moose-knuckle turns into a fire hydrant at the mere mention of Walmart, a company that has probably looked into getting slavery back on the books more than once. So in the same vein as A Christmas Carol – and the completely ridiculous Joe McScrooge from chapter one – Sarah Palin takes us to the future of our world because she’s a Highlander now if Highlanders are terrified of diversity. “There can be only one — holiday in December!” *chops off Kwanzaa’s head with a katana*
“VISION OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME … IF THE MILITANT ATHEISTS AND SECULAR LIBERALS HAVE THEIR WAY”
Yup, that was a direct quote.
It’s December 2028, and Sarah Palin pays a surprise visit to her bastard grandson Tripp at University of Alaska Anchorage where he’s naturally there on a hockey scholarship because Palins are gosh darn athletes, Bahby, a dontcha know. While Tripp and his teammates duck out for practice, Sarah is left to wander the campus on our own where, gee golly wilikers, she can’t believe her own eyes. The campus is decorated beautifully with pinecones and candles and brass and silver, but there’s no “traditional” Christmas decorations like candy canes or a tiny little baby hovering above all the other religions vanquishing them with angel beams. Instead, there’s only… diversity! OH NO!
“As we approach the Winter Solstice season, which encompasses holidays celebrated by many faiths, keep in mind the University of Alaska Anchorage is a diverse community and diversity is one of our key educational values.”
“What the fuck is this shit?” thinks Future Sarah Palin. Then she reads a list of upcoming lectures in case, somehow, readers aren’t already freaked out by all the diversity talk. Which let’s be honest, they paid $ 24.99 for a book about The War on Christmas written by Sarah Palin. They are.
THE CHRISTMAS MYTH: REDISCOVERING THE
PAGAN ROOTS OF A HIJACKED HOLIDAY
FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND LOVE: CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAYS
WITHOUT INVITING THE GODS OF YESTERYEAR
SHOULD YOU TRUST YOUR PARENTS AGAIN?
RECOVERING FROM THE SANTA LIE
Holy fuck on a moose horn, now Future Sarah has to get some answers. Fortunately, she runs into Karly, the “Vice Dean of Respect and Inclusion.” YUP. The shit is on. Future Sarah sets it off by straight dropping the c-bomb on her new nemesis. And by c-bomb I mean Christmas which amazingly doesn’t result in a Sentinel emerging from behind a tree to plasma blast Future Sarah straight to Baby Jesus’ upstairs house.
“While we don’t actually have any ‘Christmas’ activities per se,” she says, “um, this is a very diverse community, I’m sure you’ll be able to find something you’ll enjoy. There’s the Winter Solstice gathering at seven o’clock tonight.”
“What is that exactly?” I ask. “Like, caroling?”
“Well, last year, solstice celebrators had a bonfire, they made a representation of a man out of sticks, and they tucked little pieces of paper into the man’s hand with regrets from the last year. Then they lit it on fire and watched it burn away their shame and guilt,” she says. “Then they had sausages, eggs, and lots of good traditional drink.”
“Oh,” I say. “Well, that sounds … interesting.”
Motherfucking witchcraft! Future Sarah knew it. But surely there has to be some sort of Christian group on campus except it turns out they all voluntarily opted out of participating in UAA’s “inclusive community” because they’d have to be nice to gays and other religions, so now they meet in the cover of darkness off campus. Some say they drink unicorn bloo- wait, wrong book. Now Future Sarah’s pissed because she just wants to hear some fucking carols and doesn’t have time to go off campus to look for non-diverse pillars of Christ, so she bitches at Karly because, as every woman knows, saying something out loud will immediately change a situation to exactly the way you think it should be:
“It used to be that Christmas events happened all over the campus.”
“Yes, but times change,” she says, looking at me with concern or pity. “We don’t have slavery anymore, either.”
What did Miss Karly just say? I inaudibly gulp.
Oh, fuck, they’re teaching college students that shit can change? Future Sarah has had enough. Take her to the multi-faith center. Take her there immediately! But, on the way, let’s stop by a bunch of atheist displays that happened in real life because, here’s some Shymalan shit, the future? It’s now. BRAAAAAAAHMMMMM.
1. A “Holiday” Tree Sale. Neil Degrasse Tyson, would you be so kind?
Holiday derives from Holy Day. So it's etymologically under-informed to assert that "Happy Holidays" does not reference God.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 20, 2012
2. A “natural nativity” scene.
3. A Santa crucifixion scene.
But we’ll soon learn that’s not the worst of it because it’s Muslims. Muslims are the worst of it which is why there are exactly as many Muslim examples as there are atheist ones.
“Our Muslim students partake in wudu, the ritual ablutions before the prayer sessions. They had a hard time washing their feet in the sinks, so adding foot-washing stations was part of our university renovations. Costly in terms of budget, sure, but here we believe inclusion is, well, priceless.”
I duck my head into the “state-of-the-art” commode and sure enough, along the wall, in the corner, are several “foot baths.”
“How many students uses this ‘priceless’ spigot?”
You spent money on a minority, bitch, how could you?!
2. A banner for Eid al-Adha that just happened to coincide with Thanksgiving during Future Sarah Palin’s visit. She doesn’t list a real word example for this one because it takes place a different time each year so this would never fucking happen, but it fits her theme of other religions being a pain in the ass to good, wholesome American ones where we murder each other on Black Friday for $ 39 plasmas.
3. Tripp returns to find Future Sarah, and tells her he didn’t get to practice because he was banned from the hockey rink until later in the evening because it was Muslim women exercise time which they don’t feel comfortable doing in front of men. A practice that Harvard made headlines for in 2008 because they want 9/11 to happen again, only this time the terrorists will use the inconvenienced bodies of white Christian men who had to wait an extra hour to use the elliptical machine.
After learning about all this Muslim business – and yeah, okay, whatever, the atheists – Future Sarah finally loses her shit:
“What abouy just your average Joe Six-Pack boring ol’ Christian student feeling welcome and honored?”
“Oh, please,” she says. “The dominant faith in our culture doesn’t need more of an advantage than it already enjoys.”
And then the story ends because, surely, Sarah’s readers are mollified at the thought of their seat of privilege not being hoisted upon with more privilege for, in the words of Jesus, “the demanders of more privilege shall inherit the earth.” Fortunately, Sarah has a better Christmas Yet To Come for you to hope for, and all it takes is no Muslims. Not a single Muslim. You think I’m exaggerating, but this version has carolers, candy cane decorations, Christians and atheists spiritedly debating each other with smiles on their faces because Christians don’t have to be “diverse” or “tolerant,” and not one goddamn Muslim in sight. This utopic future Christmas doesn’t mention them once. There are even Jews and Buddhists commingling with Christians, who will surely convert them with its most bitching holiday, but apparently the lynchpin of Sarah Palin’s ideal Christmas is no Muslims anywhere. Yet she bristles at the end of the chapter that universities, a.k.a. “the government,” has the nerve to teach students that The Bible has been used to justify racism, slavery and the subjugation of women. Which is what happens when you don’t say “Merry Christmas.” Kids learn facts. Real, provable facts. It’s fucking chaos.
7. WHO’D MAKE UP A STORY LIKE THAT?
The last chapter of Sarah Palin’s book is probably my favorite because it’s so completely pointless and random that there’s nothing for me to even write about. I honestly couldn’t tell you what the point of it is. There’s something about her dad getting food poisoning from canned fish and banging Todd every other Thursday – WHY?! – but barely anything that reinforces the theme of the book except a few sentences at the end where God is awesome and therefore so is his kid’s birthday by default. It’s just a bunch of bullshit strung together to get this thing past 200 pages so idiots will think it’s full of meaningful information. Which, now that I think about it, is the main theme of the book. Never mind.
She’s grown up before our very eyes, and singer/actress Miley Cyrus has finally reached the pivotal age of 21!
In honor of the “Hannah Montana” babe’s big day, we’ve compiled some of her most vocally solid performances, devoid of all the twerking controversy and foam finger tomfoolery. After all, this girl can really sing!
1. “Jolene” from Cyrus’ Backyard Sessions [Summer 2012]
Getting back to her southern roots, Miley opted to cover this Dolly Parton classic, backed by a stripped-down acoustic band.
2. “Summertime Sadness” BBC Studios [November 12, 2013]
Showing her penchant for covering other artists, Cyrus selected Lana Del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness” and once again, the minimalist approach to the music really allowed her voice to shine through it all of its raspy glory.
3. “You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go” Jimmy Kimmel Live [February 2012]
Her appreciation for the music of Bob Dylan really endeared Miley to fans she may have never won otherwise. With nothing but a guitar and a microphone, Cyrus owned the audience by the time she sang her last note.
4. “The Climb” CNN Heroes [December 2011]
Long before she writhed around naked on a wrecking ball while Terry Richardson filmed the whole thing, Miley inspired the good folks at the 2011 CNN Heroes event. While definitely younger-looking at that point, Cyrus still sounded just as mature as she does today.
5. “Wrecking Ball” Saturday Night Live [October 2013]
Following a dramatic transformation (think haircut, tongue out, racy wardrobe), Miley bared her soul as she belted out her heartbroken lyrics with the backing of a full rock band.
With all that she’s accomplished thus far, Jennifer Lopez deserves pretty much anything she wants for her 44th birthday today (July 24).
And the “On the Floor” songstress stepped out in East Hampton, New York on Tuesday (July 23) with her boyfriend Casper Smart to do some pre-party shopping.
Lopez picked up a package from The Monogram Shop and looked gorgeous in a lacy pink top with red shorts as she held her hunky beau’s hand.
In a recent interview, J. Lo confessed that while she seems unstoppable, she doesn’t always feel that way.
“Just like anybody else, there are days I feel great when I wake up, and then there are days when I feel more tired or not ready to face the day. To be quite honest, on those days, I really try to think positively. I try to do a lot of affirmations for good health and positive thinking to just get my mind and my spirit in the right place so I can face whatever it is that I need to face.”
The Parks and Recreation actor and demigod turns 43 on Wednesday. Here is a guide to getting the dour Ron Swanson to party hard for his real-life counterpart.
Beware: Your well wishes will be rejected at first
Remember, this is a man who likes his alone time
You have to expect and accept the verbal abuse, okay?
Hey, at least he's honest